Premarital Counseling: How to Stop the Blame Game and Start Understanding Each Other
When you’re struggling to effectively communicate in your relationship, it’s easy to start pointing fingers at each other. You might be quick to play the blame game with your partner, rather than choosing to start healthy communication habits.
The blame game is often the result of misunderstanding each other. That happens frequently when healthy communication isn’t a priority. Unfortunately, it can make you feel like your relationship is on rocky ground and cause disagreements and conflicts to escalate. You might even start to worry that you shouldn’t be marrying this person if you simply can’t get along.
Premarital counseling can help. By taking charge now and working to understand each other, you can foster healthy communication patterns before you walk down the aisle. You’ll learn to understand each other’s needs and wants while being able to express your own feelings, too.
So, how can premarital counseling help to stop the blame game?
Active Listening
One of the most important aspects of effective communication is listening. Being an active listener requires more than just “hearing” your partner. It means you’re working to actually understand what they’re saying, even if you don’t always agree.
Premarital counseling can help you be an active listener by encouraging empathy. When you put yourself in your partner’s shoes, you’ll have a better understanding of their perspective. You’ll also learn the importance of things like body language and nonverbal cues. Everyone wants to be heard in a relationship. So, the more you both practice active listening, the less likely you’ll be to blame each other for misunderstandings.
Dig Deeper into the Issues
It’s not always easy to dig beneath the surface of your relationship on your own. You and your partner might be disagreeing about minor issues, like household chores or little habits. But chances are, there are underlying emotions leading to these conflicts. Exploring those emotions can make a big difference.
For example, if your partner doesn’t do their share of the household chores, what does that really mean to you? Maybe it makes you feel disrespected or uncared for. Those deeper root causes are often heavily explored in premarital counseling.
Learning to Use “I” Statements
When you’re playing the blame game, you tend to use “you” statements.
“You never do this.”
“You always do that.”
When your partner is blaming you, how does it make you feel? You’re likely quick to get defensive and ready to dive into an argument.
Now, how would you feel if your partner said, “I feel lonely when you spend all night on your phone,” or “I feel sad and ignored when you don’t want to talk about your day after work.”
Your partner doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, and you don’t want to hurt theirs. Premarital counseling will help to remind you that you’re on the same team, so you can focus on expressing yourself with “I” statements.
Take Accountability
It’s not always easy to admit you’re a part of the problem. However, relationship issues are rarely one-sided. Counseling can help you acknowledge and accept the role you’ve been playing in your communication issues. Taking accountability is an important step. It allows you both to forgive each other and yourselves, so you can start to move forward together.
There are so many additional benefits of premarital counseling. Not only will it help you start understanding each other, but it can improve your overall communication efforts so you’re starting your marriage off on the right foot.
Counseling also helps to build trust, foster intimacy, and more. By engaging in counseling together, you’re prioritizing your relationship and a lifetime of healthy habits. I would be honored to walk with you through it. Contact me to set up an appointment soon.