Break the Pattern: Learning from Your Past Relationships

Does it feel like you’ve had bad luck in relationships for too long? Maybe you can’t seem to make things work, and you’re not sure why. However, if there is a history of failed relationships, it likely has less to do with luck and more to do with harmful patterns setting you up for heartbreak.

It’s not always easy to look at yourself and the habits you’re bringing into a relationship. People don’t like to admit they might be doing something wrong or self-sabotaging. But, that should be your first step if you want to move ahead into a healthy, lasting relationship.

That doesn’t mean you need to dwell on past mistakes. Rather, you should acknowledge them and learn from them. Not sure how to break the pattern and learn from your past relationships? I’ve got a few tips that can help.

Identify Your Patterns

Again, the first step in breaking unhealthy patterns is to recognize what they are, as well as your role in past relationships.

Start with honest self-reflection. It might be uncomfortable at first, but recognizing how your habits, expectations, or behaviors have affected your past relationships will make it easier to avoid those things in the future.

It can also be helpful to keep a journal. You can write about common traits of past partners to form connections. You might think you have a “type,” but when everything is down on paper, you might also see that your type isn’t what’s best for your needs, wants, or values.

Identifying your patterns can make it easier to see red flags in a partner or relationship much faster. You won’t end up giving so much of your time and energy to someone when you know they aren’t a good fit right away.

Get to the Root of the Problem

There is undoubtedly a reason why you feel stuck in negative relationship patterns. Some issues could stem all the way back to childhood. Your experiences with your family as a child could absolutely shape the way you see relationships now, especially if you didn’t form a secure attachment with your parents.

Past relationships also tend to impact and influence future ones. You can learn from some of them, of course. However, if you experienced any kind of trauma in a past relationship, it can negatively affect the way you step into a new one, tainting the partnership before it even starts.

Practice Self-Care

There’s no question that a string of failed relationships can take a toll on your well-being. You might struggle with low self-esteem or wonder what you’re doing wrong. It can even lead to anxiety or depression.

Make sure you’re showing yourself kindness and compassion. You will work through these issues and eventually find someone who feels like the perfect fit.

In the meantime, prioritize self-care. Stay physically active, get enough sleep, and participate in hobbies that bring you joy. When you’re focused on your personal well-being rather than dwelling on finding a mate, you’ll recognize your self-worth and might be more likely to find someone worthy of your character in the future.

Next Steps

If you find that you’re still struggling, don’t hesitate to consider relationship therapy. Working with a mental health professional can help you get to the root of the issues more effectively, while giving you the strategies needed to break negative patterns and move forward.

This type of therapy can be especially helpful if you’re in a new relationship and you want to avoid some of the issues you’ve faced in the past.

Your past relationships don’t have to define you. However, you should look at them as opportunities to learn and grow. If you’re having a hard time making that connection or breaking these patterns on your own, contact me soon to set up an appointment, and we’ll work through everything together.