Affair Recovery: How to Navigate When One Partner Wants Therapy and the Other Doesn’t

Infidelity can destroy the trust and intimacy of any relationship. It takes time and effort by both partners to rebuild. Often, that’s not something you can (or should have to) do on your own. Working with a therapist can help you, as a couple, understand what caused the affair while offering strategies to help you move forward.

Unfortunately, therapy isn’t always a go-to for everyone. Maybe your partner feels you don’t need it, and you can work things out on your own. Maybe one of you is worried that therapy will “attack” the person who cheated and do more harm than good.

While that’s not true, of course, those are some of the things that could keep one partner from wanting therapy.

So, what do you do? How can you go through an affair recovery when one partner wants therapy and the other doesn’t?

Encourage Communication

Communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. When an affair has broken things down, it becomes more important than ever. The problem? You might have a hard time effectively communicating with each other right now.

Open and honest communication is essential for rebuilding your relationship after an affair. If you find that it’s not easy to do on your own, therapy can help. Let your partner know that therapy is a place where they can be transparent about their actions and it can serve as a safe space for both of you.

Therapy will also help you process your feelings and express them in a healthy way. You need to feel heard and understood, and if you can’t do that on your own, having someone there to encourage conversation can make a big difference.

Explain the Benefits

If your partner wants to continue the relationship and heal together, try explaining to them how therapy can help.

Couples therapy will help you both process your emotions. It can rebuild trust and improve communication. If you’ve struggled with unhealthy patterns throughout your relationship, therapy can help you break them and move forward together.

Obviously, you can’t force your partner to go to therapy. However, you can continue to emphasize how important it is and how beneficial it would be for your relationship.

Rebuilding Trust

Maybe you were the person who committed the affair, and you’re ready to start healing, but your partner is hesitant. Understand that it will take time to rebuild trust and intimacy in your relationship. While therapy can help, they might not be ready to open up to someone else right away.

Respect their decision, and focus on taking small, consistent steps to rebuild the trust in your relationship. As you show your commitment and let your partner know that you’re going to be there no matter what, continue to bring up the idea of therapy. When they start to realize that you’re serious about moving forward, they might be more willing to reach out for professional help.

Prioritize Your Well-Being

Above all, it’s important to make your mental health a priority right now. Consider individual therapy, practice self-care, and set healthy boundaries in your relationship as you navigate things together and decide what the next steps look like.

If you’re able to finally attend affair recovery therapy together, work with your therapist to squash any common misconceptions that could be keeping your partner from opening up and taking full advantage of the experience. Therapy should be a safe space for both of you to open up so you can start moving forward together.

If you’re interested in learning more about what to expect from therapy after an affair or you’re finally ready to take that step together, I’m here to help. Contact the office today to set up a consultation.