Money Fights: How to Talk About Finances Without Blowing Up
Money and finances have long been a topic of contention for far too many couples. Maybe you like to save and your partner likes to spend. Maybe you argue about what you should spend your money on. Or, maybe your biggest problem is an imbalance when it comes to who is bringing in more money.
Whatever the case, there’s no denying that financial issues can cause arguments in your relationship.
The good news? Even healthy couples can disagree about their finances. The difference is that they know how to talk about those issues without blowing up. It’s okay to face financial challenges, whatever they may be. What matters is being able to discuss them with your partner in healthy, effective ways.
If that’s an area of struggle in your relationship, you’re not alone. However, you can also avoid “money fights” with a few practical tips.
Don’t Ambush Each Other
The last thing you want is to surprise your partner with an unexpected conversation about your finances, especially if you have a problem with something they’ve been doing. You wouldn’t want them to “spring” the topic on you. So, give them the same respect.
Instead, ease into the conversation. Do it at a time when neither of you is distracted or has somewhere else to be. You can even plan it ahead of time so you know how you want to prepare and what you want to say.
Be Open and Honest
It can be hard to be vulnerable when it comes to the subject of money. Maybe you’re uncomfortable with how much you make, or your spending habits. Maybe you don’t want to seem accusatory.
However, being open and honest about your needs, wants, and even your concerns is the best way to go. It will help to reduce the risk of assumptions and misunderstandings.
If a money misstep happens with either of you, be transparent about it. Admit when you’ve made a poor financial decision or mistake, and respectfully talk to your partner about it when they’ve done the same. Transparency, instead of sweeping things under the rug, will make all of these conversations easier.
Don’t Play the Blame Game
Even if you feel like your partner has different financial ideas and expectations, focus on using “I” statements when you talk about your finances. Playing the blame game will cause them to become defensive. You’re more likely to get into an argument that won’t be productive.
Again, be open about your own ideas, needs, and concerns. If they’re doing something you don’t agree with, say something like “I get concerned when I see so many unexpected expenses popping up each month,” instead of “You’re always buying things you don’t need!”
Set Goals
It’s okay to have individual financial goals. However, whether you pool your money together or keep things separate, it’s also a good idea to have goals as a couple.
How do you want to use your money now and in the future? How much do you want to save each month? What are you working toward? Take the time to consider these goals and why they’re important to you. That will make it easier to work on them together.
Don’t Do it Alone
If you’re still having trouble discussing your finances without it turning into a fight, consider reaching out for help through couples therapy.
While therapy won’t necessarily solve your money issues, it can help you both learn how to communicate more effectively. Communication issues can seriously damage a relationship, especially when the topic is sensitive. Therapy can help you better understand the underlying issues while working on expressing yourself in more productive and healthy ways.
If you’re tired of money fights within your relationship, contact me today to schedule an appointment.