The Importance of Balancing Expectations: How Premarital Counseling Can Help
When couples step into the commitment of marriage, they often bring in a rich blend of dreams, desires, and expectations for how their marriage will be. These hopes can be beautiful, based on love and affection towards the other person. But they can also become a source of tension, especially if these expectations are not aligned.
How do you prevent this from happening? The answer is simple; talk about your expectations beforehand! The challenge? Having no idea where to even begin. This is where premarital counseling comes into play.
Why Do Expectations Matter?
Expectations shape how we perceive our partners and how we respond when our reality is not aligned with what we hoped for. From how to manage finances to how to express affection, every relationship runs on a set of unspoken rules. If these rules are left unsaid, the marriage can start to feel disappointing.
Unrealistic or hidden expectations can set a relationship up for failure. If you begin your marriage on unstable ground, chances are it will eventually come crashing down. Premarital counseling is a way to ensure this doesn't happen by helping couples clarify, communicate, and collaborate these expectations together.
Common Expectations Couples Bring into Marriage
Understanding what each partner anticipates from marriage can prevent many future misunderstandings. Some of these common expectations include:
Communication Styles: How should you talk about your problems? How often do you check in emotionally? How do you communicate issues?
Finances: Who handles the money? Are bank accounts joint, separate, or a bit of both? Are you savers, or do you like to spend?
Intimacy: What does affection look like for you? What are your physical needs, and how to ensure they are being met?
Household Responsibilities: Who takes care of the tasks in the home? How do you split them evenly or equitably?
Children: Do you want kids? How will you raise them?
Extended Family: How involved do you want each of your families to be in your lives?
These are important questions that will be helpful to answer before saying "I do." When these expectations are not in sync with each other, couples may start to feel like they are speaking different emotional languages. Smaller issues may snowball into bigger resentments if they are not addressed early on.
How Premarital Counseling Helps Balance Expectations
Beyond popular belief, premarital counseling is not just for couples in crisis. It's a proactive step that helps you prepare your relationship for success. How it can help:
Clarifying Individual Expectations: Counselors help each partner express what they truly want out of the relationship, and what they envision for their future together.
Improving Communication: This a useful skill to learn! Couples will understand the importance of talking openly, listening with empathy, and resolving conflicts constructively.
Exploring Compromise: Counseling is a way for you to explore your values; where do they align? Where do they differ? Is there a way to bridge the gaps effectively without causing damage to each other or the relationship?
Unpacking Family Influences: Our expectations actually come from how we were raised as children. Counseling helps identify these patterns so they don't unconsciously drive wedges in your relationship.
When you set realistic expectations for your marriage, you may begin to experience higher satisfaction, lower conflict levels, better resilience to challenges, and stronger intimacy.
Next Steps
Marriage is one of the best commitments you'll make, so invest in it! Rather than waiting for these problems to surface, take a step to understand each other more deeply, and create the love and connection that you both deserve. If you're wanting more information about the benefits of premarital counseling, give me a call and schedule a consultation session today!