Handling Relationship Jealousy: A Guide for Couples
Fearful that your partner may be having eyes for someone else? Fear not—this is normal! It may sound strange, but jealousy is a natural emotion to experience in relationships. Unfortunately, jealously can become destructive if not handled appropriately between partners. Understanding how to navigate through jealousy together is important in maintaining a loving and secure relationship.
What Exactly Is Relationship Jealousy?
This type of jealousy is defined as an emotional response to a perceived threat to your relationship. It often arises when one partner fears losing their partner's affection to someone else. How can you tell if you're feeling jealous?
Suspicion or Distrust: Doubting your partner's loyalty or intentions toward you
Possessiveness: Wanting to control your partner's whereabouts, interactions with others, or their social life
Insecurity: Feeling inadequate compared to your partner's friends, family, or co-workers
Irrational Thoughts: Imagining potential scenarios of your partner being unfaithful that fuel your jealously
Resentment: Having negative feelings toward other people in your partner's life who you view to be rivals
Why Does This Jealousy Occur?
There is no single cause for jealousy, it usually appears due to a combination of factors:
Past Experiences: Previous betrayals or infidelity can make individuals more prone to jealousy or expecting their partner to cheat.
Low Self-Esteem: Feeling as though you are unworthy of love or fearing possible rejection.
Insecure Attachments: If you are one who struggles with anxious attachments, you are more likely to experience jealousy.
Lack of Trust: Little to no trust in a relationship, whether from a previous incident or something that is subconscious, can trigger feelings of jealousy.
Comparison: Comparing the relationship to others or feeling threatened by other people in your partner's life and comparing yourself to them.
How to Handle Relationship Jealousy
Dealing with jealousy is possible. It takes love, patience, and working together as a team—not fighting against one another.
Acknowledge the Feeling:
Remind each other that jealousy is natural in relationships. It does not make you a bad, crazy, or insecure partner.
Reflect on Triggers:
Identify specific situations that ignite your jealousy and discuss them openly. Talk about the situations from your perspective, and try not to accuse your partner of doing these things intentionally.
Practice Transparency:
Be fully honest about how you're feeling. While it may be difficult, it is unhelpful to withhold information from one another. Do not be judgmental or defensive while your partner is sharing.
Work on Self-Esteem:
Build your confidence by making a list of what you like about yourself and what your partner likes about you. Building self-esteem can reduce feelings of jealousy.
Focus on Trust
Jealousy becomes less intense the more trust you have with each other. Strengthen your bond by sticking to your word, being reliable, and doing the things you say you will do.
Create Future Plans:
Talk about goals for your future together, and what you imagine your lives looking like. This will build a sense of love and security.
Support and Validation
Check in with your partner about their jealousy and validate their worries and concerns. Even if you don't fully understand them, actively listen and be empathetic to their experiences.
Seek Perspective:
Stop your imagination from running wild and challenge irrational thoughts. Ask yourself where the evidence is that supports these thoughts. More often than not, we are just making assumptions based on how we feel.
When Jealousy Becomes Unmanageable
There are times where this jealousy can become too intense to resolve without help. In such cases, couples counseling may be a helpful resource. A therapist can help both partners improve their communication and work on building a more trusting, secure connection. If you have any questions about my therapeutic services, or would like to book a consultation, give me a call today!